Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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