If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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