Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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