I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
