my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
