You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
