omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
