i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
