Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
