I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
