I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
