he told me I talked like a deaf person
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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