yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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