ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
