I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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