my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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