I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
