it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
