Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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