true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
