Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
