he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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