Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
