Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have aggressive nipples.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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