Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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