i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
