We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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