she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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