i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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