Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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