Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
