he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
