I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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