yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
