they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
