I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
