Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
