Where is the hickey?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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