Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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