I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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