the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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