Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
