I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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