I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
