all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
