Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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