who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize