No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
