What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
