Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
