Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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