can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
