Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
