Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
