Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
