I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
