atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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