My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
