Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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