Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
