You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize