dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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