Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
