Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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