My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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