Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
