if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
