last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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