just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
