why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize