Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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