oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
