Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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