in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
