Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
