I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
