I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize