I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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