dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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