fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm really busy with my period
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