Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
