Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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