Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
