I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
