Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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