Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
