guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
