I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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