my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
