it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
why is half of my head shaved?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
