The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
