please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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