He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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