Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize