those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize