Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
