What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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