Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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