I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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