It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
