You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
