I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize