My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
